Identity

There are so many novels talking about a person's IDENTITY search in post-colonialism or feminism literature works: extremely pessimistic ones as Pecola in Toni Morrison's The Bluest Eye; confused and struggling ones as Gemmy in David Malouf's Remembering Babylon, whose first sentence uttered was "I am a B-b-british object", and all his life, he was regarded as something in between.


In Chinese, we have a term "Bu Zhong Bu Xi" (not exactly the Oriental, not exactly the Western), some creature in-between. After all these years’ westernized education, working and living experiences in another country ... Who am I? What is my real identity now?

For example, the standard of being a real woman/lady, the real femininity, as I always believe that the world is a balanced world, we each (male and female) should play their roles well; on the other hand, they talk so much about feminism in Western world, and how women should be regarded the same as the men...I really have trouble understanding it...

Besides, concerning bigger picture as how the society works, and smaller picture as how the family works, there are so many differences: the way how Westerners are independent from each other, and being private; and the way how the Asians stick together, being collective, and heavily rely on each other, etc. Sometimes I get troubles fitting into my own community, such as understanding their jokes: one of my favorite girlfriend making fun of me all the time or poking me as a way showing friendliness; and another Asian girl calling a friend "Fat Boy" as the first thing to show closeness, and I start to get slow in getting the humor and point there.

Anyway, this is a topic have been troubling so many great writers, thinkers, poets, and philosophers as the human history started. I doubt I can find the answer out right away, and it can be a long and painful process.